My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
