I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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