We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
