gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We are two peas in an std pod
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
