My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We are two peas in an std pod
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This is my life. Enjoy the view
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
