I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
