hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
