There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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