I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
