Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
