you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
