The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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