His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
