Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Farmville is her only friend.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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