I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
