***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
