my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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