When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
