Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
