Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
