i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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