Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
