im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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