What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Randomize
