my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
