i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
