I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
