Taylor Swift is so right about you.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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