Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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