I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
