enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
