I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
