Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
