it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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