he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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