what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
