Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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