RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
two words...techno handjob
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
