She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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