he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
