Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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