theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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