If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
this will be a night to untag.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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