I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
