Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
