Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
