you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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