I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
