My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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