Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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