I hate your face
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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