On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
