I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
