i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
