First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
