Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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