On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
