I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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