Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
