im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
